I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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