i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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