he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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