I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
