Yo dont text me then not text me
we made out on top of his cat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
