Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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