maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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