I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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