It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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