my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
