I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
