"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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