cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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