did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
