did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
