That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hippo gnu deer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
