They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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