...so i touched it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
