By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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