Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I smell stomach acid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
