youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
