i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
