weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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