Christians are straight up FREAKS
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
