so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i now understand why vodka
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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