A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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