you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
