Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
