thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
