she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
