DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need a beard to bite.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
