Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
