I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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