They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
