THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
