Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
