Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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