What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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