Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
