So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This toilet bowl is my home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
