He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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