I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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