i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
