Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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