Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
