i just had sex bonerless
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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