I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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