so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
pray to the hookup gods
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
