my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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