Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
